The Search for Solace in"I am" By John Clare

I Am by John Clare is easily one of the most poignant poems in English literature, as it explores themes of isolation, identity, and the nature of existence. Clare masterfully paints a profoundly moving portrait of loneliness and longing. Viewing this poem through a modern lens compels us to think about the fragile nature of the human mind and the search for solace.

Long Story Short

John Clare was born on July 13, 1793, in Helpston, Northamptonshire, England. He was a farm laborer along with his father and lived in rural poverty while he studied in Glinton Church. Even though he had a limited formal education, Clare exhibited a natural talent for poetry and a deep connection to nature. Soon after attending school, Clare worked jobs as a potboy (or server at taverns), and as a gardener, while trying to find time for literature.

In 1820, Clare married his first wife and published his first poetry collection, Poems Descriptive of Rural Life and Scenery, which received critical acclaim. However, despite his early success, his later works were not nearly as appreciated, and he found himself almost penniless in 1823. As the literary world began changing and the public's interest in rural poetry declined, Clare grew into an alcoholic and fell into obscurity. His mental health deteriorated, leading to multiple institutionalizations in private asylums.

It was during one of these stays, at Northampton General Lunatic Asylum, that Clare wrote I Am, a deeply personal meditation on his isolation and identity. His later years were spent in the asylum, where he continued to write poetry until his death in 1864. Today, Clare is known as the “Quintessential Romantic poet”, and his legacy is forever etched in the world of English poetry.

The Writing

Understanding I Am requires knowledge of Clare’s mental and emotional state at the time of its composition. The poem was written during one of the most distressing periods of his life when he was confined to an asylum, abandoned by both his family and society. Unlike many Romantic poets who found inspiration in the grandeur of nature, Clare turned inward, using his poetry as an introspective journey into his fractured self.

Now, the analysis:

First Stanza:

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows;
My friends forsake me like a memory lost:
I am the self-consumer of my woes—
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throes—
And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed

From the opening lines, Clare establishes a tone of abandonment and existential doubt. The repetition of “I am” emphasizes his struggle with self-identity. He acknowledges his existence but feels that no one truly cares or understands who he is. His friends have forgotten him, and his pain consumes him. The imagery of woes rising and vanishing, like fleeting shadows, suggests an ephemeral and unstable sense of self.

Second Stanza:

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;
And e’en the dearest—that I loved the best—
Are strange—nay, rather stranger than the rest.

This stanza delves deeper into Clare’s mental anguish. He describes his life as a “shipwreck,” a powerful metaphor for his lost stability and sense of self-worth. His loved ones, once his anchors, have become unrecognizable to him. The paradox of a “living sea of waking dreams” suggests his entrapment in a liminal state between consciousness and delirium.

Third Stanza:

I long for scenes where man hath never trod,
A place where woman never smiled or wept—
There to abide with my Creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie,
The grass below—above the vaulted sky.

In the final stanza, Clare expresses a longing for escape—not just from society, but from existence itself. He yearns for a pure world where he can find peace. The reference to childhood sleep suggests a desire for innocence and an end to suffering. The last lines, evoking the image of lying beneath the sky and above the grass, symbolize his wish for a final rest, a place of eternal quiet.

The Theme

One of the main themes of I Am is the painful isolation that comes with mental illness and societal neglect. Clare’s words hit deep with anyone who has felt unseen or unheard, making this poem timeless.

Another key theme is the search for identity. Clare struggles with his identity, especially in a world that has cast him aside. The repetition of “I am” becomes both an affirmation of existence and a question of self-worth.

Finally, I Am explores the human desire for peace and transcendence. In the face of suffering, Clare longs for a return to innocence and an escape into nature or the divine.

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Disclaimer: Remember, this is just my opinion and what I think of a piece after gathering research and writing it down.

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